"What a Long Strange Trip it's Been" Robert Hunter & Jerry Garcia

Wadd'ya do when everything goes right? I mean, I've had success in my 58 years, some of it incredibly gratifying and meaningful. And I have had abysmal failures both unsolicited and of my own creation. And I certainly understand that success today may pale or shine in relation to what came years before, but that seems to be an incidental viewpoint with no teeth. Did I say no teeth?

Let's just run down a little of the current mode of operation so we can pick it apart, dissect the individual pieces and melt them down to their inevitable greasy little puddles for clean up on aisle 9:

• I now have a full set of teeth, thanks to a Dentist without an agenda or the need to own property in the Bahamas that was paid for exclusively from the work he did for me. This is thanks to a new set of upper and lower partial plates that hook and anchor to the good teeth he left in. I can smile, kiss, eat, sing and play the trumpet. OMG, I cannot stress the power of this upgrade.
• After spending several years not believing I could maintain a proper diet due to my Diabetes that was diagnosed 3 years ago because it was too hard to do on my schedule, and watching my blood sugar remain intolerably high without regard for the two types of insulin and three times a day pills I was taking I have found the secret to the Diabetes Magic Treasure Cave—I am now doing exactly what my doctor told me to do three years ago. I have trained myself to a 1.5 mile brisk walk with my dog, Dizzy (he is now also very happy, and his friggin' sugar is never an issue!) followed by a 2.5 mile bike ride that is pretty much all out the whole way. And, I eat the right stuff, all day every day. And yes, wait for it...I have lost 35 pounds over the last 6 months and my blood sugar is within very manageable levels for the first time since I was diagnosed and going down. Sumbitch, i just didn't believe I could do it. Next stop, 40 more pounds off.
• My band, The Joe Willy Band is having a Renaissance of sorts. After recording our own CD 4 years ago, which was a major task for us, consuming a year and a half and about $5K, our original bass man left us due to his declining health and his train wreck, trailer trash wife. Now, new CD in hand, and no bass player, we were dead in the water. We had struggled for several years with this original bass man as he became unable to play to our level, and stopped playing gigs almost completely while the recording was going on. Now, we could not play at all. What ensued was a miserable two years and a string of no less than 4 bass players (actually more like a dozen, when you count all the auditions) who ran the gamut from falling apart on stage the first time we played a live gig after 3 months of rehearsal to an inability to remember anything like a complete arrangement to a guy who had no drivers license but swore he would get to rehearsals and the gigs, except for the first, second or third one, and finally to a really tragic event when we really thought we had the right guy who fit in, was experienced and played killer bass and then died in his home of a massive coronary two weeks after we hired him. FUCK! What do we have to do. Then we tried a guy who actually turned out to be a better guitar player than bass player, and he switched off with our lead man who also plays the best bass for 100 miles in any direction, and that worked until the new guy just went off the deep end and would tune his guitar in the middle of a song. Enter one Alan Nickerson from Chicago, Illinois. the man can play the bass. He can sing. He has a personality that is so cool to the touch, and fits in with all of us. He is a consummate pro, who has played everything, everywhere. I am in love with Alan. He and I make a rhythm section like a block of granite. We rock. As a result, The Joe Willy Band has gone through a transformation. We can now play nearly any material we want. We have added back our old second guitar player who is a near perfect complement to our primary guitar man, and who can play his balls off. We have freshened our song list with over 20 new songs that have made us far more up temp, contemporary and bitching. No, really , we now have a solid concrete hold on some key classic and southern rock, R&B and Blues hits that have redefined who we are. And we play our own original material with all new fire and life that feeds our need for speed! And of course the result is, we have been playing gigs pretty much non-stop since last summer. We have a completely new PA system. All of us have upgraded our personal equipment inventory. Okay, we would have done that anyway, it is the working musicians mantra—I need more and cooler equipment. So now we are on the verge of our most visible gig yet. We are playing two sets on the main stage of a very large outdoor BBQ event called "Pigfest" (yeah, I know, a lot of pigs, chickens and cows will give their lives for this, but I am not a vegetarian so what am I supposed to do?) this weekend and there will be upwards of 500 to 1000 people milling around and drinking beer when we play. We are STOKED!
• And then there is Debbie. I have reported on this phenomenon in an earlier post so I will not repeat the gush, I will just say no change has been more dramatic or exciting than my redheaded wonder. Everything in my life has been affected, and I am embarking on a whole new outlook and vision of me and the future. Kowabunga.

So as I reflect on all this crazy good news, I know there are still areas of my life that need change or at least some modification. My job is becoming untenable and I will probably be forced into a corner from which I can only emerge by leaving where I work in the next few months, and my roommate just fucked me by moving out with no notice and leaving me a trashed bedroom and bathroom. But I have to report, that due to all of the above, nothing will faze me. I will find a roommate, and I will find the right work to pay the bills and give me some measure of fulfillment. And I will let nothing deter me from my girl, my health and my music. So lift a glass, and toast the days we spend in the sun, and see to it that you are working on your behalf at all times for it is unlikely anyone else will. And for god's sake, heed the words of Hunter S. Thompson when he said, "It still isn't weird enough for me," and Robert Hunter with Jerry Garcia when he said, "What a long strange trip it's been." Ciao, babies, now go make your world a better place, ya' knucklehead!

Ain't Life Grand?

After 15 years of singleness, I am suddenly fraught with date. As you might imagine, I am a little apprehensive, though I am also excited and overjoyed. As a single man, I have developed a lifestyle based around my work as an Internet car salesman for a large Ford and Lincoln dealership and a musician working in a classic rock/blues band for over 20 years, along with side gigs in acoustic settings. I do pretty much what I want, when I want, within the confines of available time and funding.

My typical day is up at 6:30am, shower and walk the dog and slide into work at 8:15am only fifteen minutes late. Car salesman have leeway as we are essentially subcontractors. Work my leads and greet customers until lunch, hit the local pubs with my bud Dr. Love for lunch, and back on the sales lot until either 5pm or 7:30pm. Of course for that moronic asshole who can't find our dealership, and who leaves an hour for what is at least a two hour drive to get here, I am often here as late as 9 or 10pm closing a deal and delivering the moron-obile.

Once home, the dog gets walked 1.5 miles which is the absolute bomb to him. He lives to take his walk. On those days when he gets two of these, I am certain he would make me dinner, clean the house and wash my car, if he only had hands and more brains than it takes to chase a cat. He loves him some walking.

Following that, I get a 2.5 mile bike ride on my Trek at high speed. These two exercise habits are changing my life. I have lost 15-20 pounds, my joints work better, and my sugar levels are more controllable. I am working on increasing these habits in frequency and distance.

Following all of that whirlwind of activity, I generally have an hour or two to relax, faceplant on the computer, write song lyrics, practice guitar or trumpet, watch TV or do chores. It is up to you to discover which of these I do happily and which I do monthly.

Throw into this exciting mix a band rehearsal on Tuesday evenings for about 3-3.5 hours. Highlight of the week. Bond with the boys, drink a little beer, make cool loud noises and yak about all things rock and roll, blues and bad, all the while examining each others newest musical toys and plotting to get more. All musicians are ate up with more and better and older and cooler and expensive musical equipment. The purchase of a new Sennheiser microphone can elicit an hour or more discussion of the relative coolness and sound quality or a deep discussion of what favorite baddass famous guy uses one just like it.

And then, there are the gigs. At 58, a drummer needs approximately a day and a half to load his equipment in his truck, drive to the gig and set it up. Alright, I exaggerate a little. But seriously, if we have a gig at 8pm, I will often leave the house at 4pm to get there and take 1.5 to 2 hours to get set up, mics set and my drum mixer and monitor system ready so I can help our sound man set the main system up and have maybe 15-20 minutes before we play to relax and go over the set lists.

When we are done, It is at least an hour for me to pack and roll out. So for that 8-12 gig, I will spend as much as 9-10 hours start to finish. Daunting and daring, though I love it and have worked since I was 14 to be able to do exactly what I do, and I am pretty damned good at it.

Throughout the week, I also do all of our promotion work for the band, calling club owners for gigs, writing set lists, designing facebook and web site notices of our dates and downloading music and lyrics for new material. It is a lot of work to be a shiftless musician. But I love it.

So, what does all this have to do with dating? I think we both know the answer...I have built an elaborate hamster maze to keep me busy and avoid the broken hearts, the costly dinner bills, the dress up clothes and the time spent wooing any particular woman. I have turned chicken since my divorce. Well, technically since my divorce and ensuing engagement after divorce that blew up in my face and bitch slapped me into the realm of the woman less. I just didn't want to go there.

Couple all that with some health issues that made me feel less than available, and you have the basic idea. Over the last 10 years my teeth deteriorated significantly, some were broken, and many were just gone. It was a mess. Okay, now you have a good picture of my status in life: sleep, shower, eat, sell, play, practice, play, drink and start over. My blog pretty much reflects this if you walk through it over the last couple of years.

Now we move to this past Spring, when an exceptionally pretty woman who was my high school sweetheart and steady shows up on Facebook. After connecting there this past year, and playing the "hey, what up girl, I am absolutely NOT trying to snoop your Facebook pages after all these years and find out if you are still that fabulous girl with the red hair I couldn't take my eyes off in school and what are you doing now and are you still married and OMG let me tell you all the cool stuff I have been doing for the 35 years since we dated and hey, do you....blah, blah, blah," game. Yeah, right. I just played it low key because, well, I was a bachelor, right?

Now from this past spring, we move to this past fall, and the Prezident Contest gets underway with a partisan war that makes the Blitzkrieg seem like a Sunday picnic, and I am all in! I am ate up with the body politic, and as it turns out, so is my long lost steady. So now, we are passing facenotes back and forth on the Prez Contest just like in 11th grade English class because she is every bit the radical, blood spurting, tree hugging, right brain social conscious liberal that I am and we have a common cause! Right on, baby, Black Power, plug in, drop out and get high! And still, it is not about...the date.

Next up, I get a note that she will be in town to see her mom, and is my band playing anywhere, and hell yeah, Goddamn right we are! So now, there looms a face to face meeting. And one that she initaited. What does this purport? Is it just to show me her cool young lover and flash those blue/green eyes at me and run? And I now have to face the bachelor reality of the situation, and what am I hoping will happen. I decide it is best just to hope it will be swell to see this woman who I cared for greatly at the tender age of 16.

The gig comes, and she does not disappoint. She is absolutely lovely. She shows up during our second set, alone, and we spend every break together and time after the gig is over to laugh and catch up and wonder at the ridiculous possibility (unspoken, of course) that there is still something to fish out of the box of forgotten memories and dust off. I very hesitantly kiss her good night with broken teeth and watch her drive off into the night.

Now my life schedule and all the things I take for granted as a bachelor come into question. Aren't I free of living someone else's schedule? Don't I appreciate never having to check with anyone about what I might do with my free time? Do I clean the kitchen today or next week? But even I am beginning to sense a dramatic shift in my onliness. I just don't have a clue where this is going but I cannot stop thinking about her, and as Gamble Rogers used to say, "I am ate up with the dumbass," because I remain clueless to my true desires.

But here is where the momentum builds. A local dentist had worked up a plan to fix my teeth, and though it is expensive, I have the money available in my 401K, but I cannot get to it unless the work is already done, and the dentist wants to be paid, of course, before he does the work. So for months, I had just tabled the whole thing. But now, in the short span of 3 sets of The Joe Willy Band, and the vision of pretty eyes that haven't changed a bit in all these years, I am NOT letting this tank. I contact a family member the very day after we saw each other at our gig, and threaten them with terrible acts of sorricide (yeah, I got you, go look it up) and demand they provide the upfront money to fix my upfront teeth. And they say....wait for it....YES! now I am cooking.

Weeks later, I am sporting a new upper and lower partial that fixes my mouth and my smile. I am now fraught with kiss desire, and I have a clear idea of who I want to start with. You see, since the face to face, I have been unable to get this woman out of my mind. A simple evening of reliving some old times and a small kiss, and the damn wagon is now gaining speed and rolling down the mountainside without any help from me. I am quickly coming to the conclusion that it isn't just about having been celibate and possibly idiotic for all these years, I am finding feelings for her I did not anticipate feeling. Is that possible? Is it recommended? Is it juvenile...wait, I am a man, so it is by definition juvenile, but is it real?

So I clearly don't know what to do, and I do very little as a result. I send a few faint messages and facenotes, and get very little response. I can only imagine I was dreaming or delusional, or there was LSD in my morning coffee and I am in fact an idiot. But friends, my saga does not end here. There is more to this story.

Weeks after our encounter and my mewling inaction, with new teeth in mouth and balls in hand, I send a note. A real note. A note a man would send, if he had someone with a gun to his head: "Can't imagine anyone as attractive as you doesn't have anyone in your life, but if you do not, I want to take you to dinner. Of course if there is someone, I will understand and only be pissed, or heartbroken, or pissed and heartbroken. Just kidding. Yours truly, me." Now I have done it. I have actually asked her out for a, no...no...I can't say it.....A DATE! WTF do I do now?

I get one line back..."No need to be pissed, I would love to go." And with this, I have learned what every man should be taught from an early age and have written on his bathroom mirror so he can see it each morning when he shaves — "just ask her, stupid."

The details of the date are mine and mine alone, along with my date, but I will tell you this; that movie every Christmas, "it's a Wonderful Life" has nothing on me. Jam up and jelly tight, she is a fabulous woman, gorgeous in every way and we are going out again. And if that pretty girl reads this, she must know that regardless of what happens, she has changed my life for the better. Forever. Ain't life grand?

Hearts and Minds

They say that the friends you make in High School are some of the strongest bonds you will ever make. I don't know who "they" are, but I believe this, and it makes sense. And besides, I have never been one to dwell on "them" and become overly concerned with exactitude. Life is a great big gray area with large oceans of uncertainty.

The people you went to High School with are the people you learn to drink with, kiss with (okay, so maybe I kissed a few girls in grade school, but I wasn't any good at it, and usually got slapped), learn with and begin all the really important adult activities to come later like group dynamics, management, competition, sex and sucking up. These are your peeps.

The interesting thing about it is that there are plenty of people who go off after High School and do things or become something that you could never have predicted in school. But for the most part, those you were really close to will still be there for you when you meet up years later, and the initial bond will carry you through to a re-birth of that heady, fun and exciting time when you skipped class together and chased pretty girls with the dawning recognition of what you wanted to do to them, without the courage or knowledge of how to make that happen.

But the special thing that can really stun you, is when you find someone who you dated, went steady with, or just knew you were deeply in love with at the time, and circumstances allow you to re-open that door. Bada-Bing! The sheer newness/oldness of it can really slap you and leave you staring into the headlights like a deer in the road. But then the car swerves and misses, and you are left standing in the clear light with the realization that those feelings have returned, all the power of that young love gets lit up, and is fueled by all the things you have learned as an adult. All of the pain of your adult relationships gone bad, along with all the exquisite sweetness of those that brought you joy give you a view that makes the whole situation seem like a dream on a roller coaster ride. And for me, it brought a huge smile to my face, and the complete knowledge that a new fire had just arisen from the coals of one I had no idea still smouldered. I was stoked.

I find it crazy stupid ironic that the single greatest thing we all seem to agree on is an intangible that resides purely in the mind, attributed to the heart and essential to true happiness–the power of love. For all you Christians out there, please refrain from telling me your religion is more important than family, love and the people you care for. You are fooling yourself and you appear silly to the rest of us. Don't get me wrong, I respect your beliefs, I just don't buy that it is the most important thing in your life. if it is, you are missing out, bigtime.

The power of love is the thing we all say, that when you go, is the only thing that matters. The people you love and those relationships are all that matters yet we cannot touch it or see it, and it is like the flame in a campfire that can warm and comfort or bring painful burns. Huey Lewis had it right:

It don't take money and it don't take fame

Don't need no credit card to ride this train
Tougher than diamonds and stronger than steel
You won't feel nothin' till you feel
You feel the power, just the power of love
That's the power, that's the power of love

This power is why we move through our days making money, closing deals, eating lunch, buying our groceries and listening to music. We are using life to find the things which build a strong heart and comfort the mind. If we could only recognize that this is the thing which drives and enriches us, we could find so much more value in all the mundane things we do to get by every day. But society and the living needs always consume our time, and our desire for love and friendship turn to dreams. Sad but true daily, everywhere.   So when that second chance comes to you, and a reconnection stuns you into clarity, nothing can be allowed to deter you. Seek the power of love with all your being, and breath it in with great gusto. Let it fill your mind and strengthen your heart for it will be the thing you will miss the most when your time comes. Drink it in now and never look back.